How do people do it?

As I sit at my desk staring at the cursor blinking and mocking me, I wonder how people go about their lives continually. When I think of how long I've already been alive, which seems really long at times despite it only being 35+ years, and then I think about how much longer I may have, although it could be only one more day for all I know, I just wonder how I keep going. I feel like I've accomplished plenty and yet nothing at all. I am bored and curious at the same time. I want to know what tomorrow will bring yet expect it to yield nothing new. When I try to write, I keep wondering why I'm doing it, who will read it or even want to, and what the point of it at all is. But I guess I gotta do something, otherwise life truly becomes pointless. Which it may be anyway. Okay, enough with the depressing post. For now...

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

Tonight I should have gone to the comedy club. I was out the last two nights, one performing and one just watching, so I felt this week has been okay on that. Tonight would have just been watching again so it was easier to pass up. But I have to ask myself if I am going to ever make the commitment to it that it deserves. If I'm so sure that I can make a mark for myself as a comedian (not necessarily world wide fame, but...) then I'm going to have to suck it up at some point and keep going out every night. Just like the rest of them. Sure no money is the easy excuse, but if that's the plan then I may be in trouble as money problems don't look like they're going anywhere soon. At least I got two more stories for my book done today, so the day wasn't an entire waste. I figured out what I need to do each day to make my deadline and it's really not so daunting. Of course, if I don't keep up with my pace, it could become very daunting and that could lead to more procrastination or, horror of horrors, never getting it done. Luckily, that's not an option as others are now involved. So I'll try to focus on that positive and not regret staying home.

Re:Giving ladies a bad name

Remember those two crazy women I was ranting about a week ago? No? Anyone out there? No matter, I'll blab on anyway. The one with the nut allergy disappeared altogether while the one who seemed to disappear altogether actually emailed me several days later to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. Turns out she got very sick also and was ignoring all people. Being the nice guy that I am, I accepted the facts as stated and now we are scheduled to go out this Friday. I told her to stay very healthy this time.

Gambling....it does a wallet good.

Well, my plan of winning a bunch of money at the casino so I could avoid working at the restaurant didn't work out. This week at least. Now I have to work there so I can make money to take to the casino and win enough money to not work there. That's not dreamy talk either, it's hard logic. Sure it never worked out in the past but that's the past and this is now and my game theory abilities have been finely honed and crafted so that now I can lose my money much more scientifically.

Flashback

As I procrastinate working on my book, I might as well write something and try to get the proverbial juices flowing. So last night I went back to my old work and asked to come back there. This is hopefully a temporary situation but a necessary one unfortunately as I am out of money and my parents are soon to follow. So the need to support myself is pretty imperative. I was hoping to catch on to a much better restaurant but at least I know the place, it's convenient to where I live, and I should be able to make a decent living at it. Oddly enough, here I am in my parents house, single, and working at the Beach Cafe again. Almost exactly my situation when I moved to Seattle from LA in 2003. Circle of life, I guess.

Giving the rest of you ladies a bad name

So I met a girl on match a couple of weeks ago and we emailed back and forth. Shared a similar sense of humor, which is a tough thing to find in my case so I was very interested in going out with her. Didn't hurt that she was easy on the eyes. So we move on to the texting and it's going fine. Earlier this week we agreed to go out tonight, but not with particularly solid planning beyond the night. No time or place chosen, that was something I left up to her. Last night I texted her to see if we were still on for tonight. No response. This morning I text a little good morning message just to make contact. No response. This afternoon I text a joking without a time and place how are we supposed to meet up message. No response. Should I have been calling at this point? Am I in trouble because I didn't text her the last couple of days? Or could something have happened to her? Or is she just crazy? I realize I'll probably never know what happened or didn't happen. Luckily there's many more women online. Still, I was pretty disappointed overall. Thought I might have had something with her. Oh well.

Reality check, please.

Like many people right now, I'm not working. This has mostly been by choice, which is much different than the average out of work American and I am quite grateful that this is the case. Of course, the reason this is possible is that I live in my parents house and pretty much have exhausted my credit cards for the modicum of enjoyable socializing that I get to do. That being the case, I figure I just might have to bite the proverbial bullet and return to the wonderful world of waiting tables. I had already thrown my hat back into that ring in January to deafening silence as most places were not hiring. This time of year that would be common even in the most positive of economic times, but right now it's obviously much worse. So even though I have fifteen years of server experience, have actually managed even, there have been no bites so far. I did have two interviews at one place but they informed me after the second one that they weren't actually looking to hire. Well, what an enjoyable time to have those interviews, thanks! So now I've been scouring the craigslist for possible future work and applying to the jobs that I have no chance of getting just to make my mother happy. She of course thinks I could do anything if a place would give me a chance, but she seems to not realize that there's probably a thousand applicants ahead of me who just may have those pesky little advantages like meeting the actual requirements of the job itself. Can't say I don't try though.
So in the meantime, I continue to pen my non-fiction tome about horrible dating choices, all the while pursuing future book fodder by belonging to both eHarmony and match.com. Admittedly they have yielded a few doozies. Guess that means the sequel is already writing itself. And all I need is a few hours a week to make a few bucks. The no rent issue at least allows for some flexibility. Of course, I hope to not be living with my parents through the rest of my 30s. We shall see.

Blah again

As another week starts so deepens the worry of when I'll get some work. Could the talent agency really prove to be fruitful almost immediately (hopefully)? At least I've finally beaten the writer's block, sort of, and gotten a few more stories written. But the doubts are still there and the focus is lacking when everything in life is so unsettled. But I'm hardly the first person who's had to create while facing uncertainty in life. And I'm sure I won't be the last, so I guess I'll get back to it. And will try to use the blog less for bitching and more for, uh, whatever it is that I'm supposed to use it for.